This series will continue indefinitely on Fridays

  I often write about violations of the natural rights of U. S. citizens by our government. I'm more than a little ashamed to admit that there is a set of issues I've avoided for a long time, and even now I'm reluctant to approach them. You would be justified in wondering why.

As a libertarian, rights are extremely important to me. Without individual rights, we are slaves. It's much more than an abstract importance, though, and that's the rub for me personally. I'm an emotional man, and especially so on matters of justice. For some reason, injustice has always had a powerful effect on me. I could honestly lay claim to the phrase Bill Clinton made a mockery of... "I feel your pain". I do feel the pain of others. There have been times when I was more upset by specific injustices than were the victims. It isn't something I'm proud of... it's just the way it is for me... and it hurts. Injustice causes me alternating depression, grief, anger, and frustration, all of which can result in physical pain.

I'm going to label my subject as "family issues" but that hardly does it justice. In fact, it's such a twisted, tangled web of injustices and terrible trends that it's virtually impossible to organize and categorize it. That's one reason for my reluctance to approach it. The other is that the violations of family rights are, for the victims, often the most painful experiences of their lives. In a great many cases, the pain of those violations is greater than the victims ever anticipated it could be, and often is so great that the victim resorts to suicide or other drastic responses.

About a week ago, I "copped out" when I reprinted an article titled "Child support system is unfair to good dads"  by Mary Eckholm. I say "copped out" because I might have written that story long ago, but avoided doing so... and reprinted Ms. Eckholm's as a substitute. She did a fine job of overviewing one of the injustices I think of as family rights... but she dealt with the subject in a rather abstract way.

The grief caused in relation to divorce, child support, child custody and related issues is enormous... far beyond the comprehension of anyone who has not experienced it firsthand. It can turn strong men into helpless shells, and it can also turn them into angry animals. Child support payments are sometimes only a minor financial aspect of divorce.

I will not try to explain why, as some of you may have seen firsthand, so many men who had seemed to care far more about work than about their children, will, upon facing divorce and custody arrangements, suddenly and emotionally become incensed by the thought of losing any part of those children. It's enough for now to say that the explanation has to do with following thoughtless and expected roles.

As Ms. Eckholm pointed out, custody of children in a divorce rarely goes to their father. If the mother wants custody, she's likely to get it. If she gets legal custody, she can move far away, with the children, and the father has nothing to say about it. That's just the beginning. Typically, the father is forced to pay child support, at unfairly high levels, taken from his pay, and given to his ex-wife. The father will be relegated to having "visitation" with his children, an insulting, degrading arrangment that can make the father feel like an outsider, having to take his own children out of the place they live, and away from their neighbors and friends.

There is much, much more to the pain of being a divorced father. There is the pain of knowing that other men are becoming some part of the family that now does not include him. Watching another man, or even worse, a series of other men, move into that family, with his children, often in the house he cared for, is so hurtful that if it occurred to women instead of men, the wailing at the Capitol would be horrendous.

The horror stories heard within the groups organized to help such men are almost beyond bearing. I joined such a group and dropped out far too soon, simply because the pain was too great... the stories too upsetting. I met men who were paying more in child support than they could earn... men who lost jobs and faced having to make up for back child support. I listened to men frantic because they knew their children were being neglected or abused, but were helpless to do anything about it. I met men who flew across the country to visit their children... at their own expense... to spend a couple of days with them as often as they could. I met men whose ex-wifes would not allow visitation, but who couldn't get any legal help to enforce their rights.

I recall one man who was positive his daughter was being sexually abused by a boyfriend of his ex-wife... so convinced that he "kidnapped" his daughter and fled. The ironic end to that story was that when he heard his ex-wife was dying, he brought his daughter back to see her mother, was arrested, and went to prison.

Just for the record, I was fortunate. I experienced much of the pain I speak of, but my wife eventually consented to joint custody even though she could have gotten complete control. We shared parenting through various arrangements, and my daughters had both a mother and a father. The period during which I thought I would lose my children was, by far, the worst time of my life. Men are quite unaccustomed to feeling helpless, and for most men facing family court, that is precisely the prevalent feeling. How does a person react when they feel that they have nothing left to lose? Believe me, it can be almost anything.

I've only skimmed the surface of the problems facing divorced fathers. I know I will not be able to continue this series without interruption; it's too complex and emotional for me to deal with frequently. There WILL be one overriding, critical thread, which is that every time government, through law and the courts, becomes involved in the business of families, someone... often everyone... is likely to have their life damaged or even destroyed. My aims will be to convince you of two facts:

1. Regardless of what good you think family law does, it does far more harm.



2. Anyone can be victimized by family rights violations, and you had better get concerned about it.